A
Dialogue with Young Women from Diverse
Communities
by Azmina N. Ladha
“I realize there are so many strong women
out there but it is 2005 and we still don’t
get paid the same and we think we’re equal
but we’re not. I am a little tired of
fighting because it never stops …”
The above quote is from one of the young
women who attended a dialogue organized by
Education Wife Assault’s Young Women’s
Program on April 15, 2005. A group of young
women from diverse communities—including
immigrant women with language barriers,
ethno-racial young women, Deaf young women,
and young women with disabilities—gathered
in a surprisingly warm and comfortable
basement boardroom in downtown Toronto to
discuss their experiences in relationships
and violence against women.
The young women self-identified as members
of different marginalized communities and
proceeded to bravely and openly share their
very personal experiences of violence. As
the women spoke, many commonalities in their
experiences of violence emerged. One was the
multi-faceted and prevalent nature of
violence in young women’s lives. For
example, each of the participants emphasized
how women, especially young women, are
socialized into normalizing and accepting
harassment and violence. Over time, many of
them develop their own coping strategies.
Another commonality was that, while not all
of the young women in the group had
personally experienced sexual abuse, all of
them knew other young women in their
communities who had. The most striking
commonality was the impact that experiences
of violence had on them. All of the young
women said that, while they had been hurt or
disillusioned, they were strong women who
could not be defeated. Their experiences of
violence had taught them to confront their
abusers head on.
But while these commonalities were striking,
there were also significant differences for
women from different marginalized
communities. For the community to know how
to respond, these differences must be
understood.
Ethno-racially Marginalized Young Women
Joanna is a young, Black woman who grew up
in a predominantly white neighborhood and
her face reflects the wisdom of one who has
lived lifetimes more than 24 years. While
much of her childhood was like that of other
children, she was confronted with race
issues early on when she was called a
‘nigger’ by a classmate in Grade 2 or 3. By
Grade 5, the racism had become more blatant:
she describes being physically pushed by a
white teacher in front of her mother. The
school assumed that its few Black students
were deficient in some way and tried to
sequester them into special-education
classes.
During her teen years, Joanna’s family moved
to the multicultural community at Jane and
Finch in Toronto. When comparing this
neighborhood to her old one, she noted that
in her new neighborhood, the “clear
dichotomy of rich and poor” became evident
in her daily life. In her new neighborhood,
it was normal to see police patrol cars,
fights, and children playing in the park
until late at night when their parents
finally came home from work. Whereas in the
past, the majority of children in her school
were white, she was suddenly in a high
school where most of the kids were from
ethno-racially marginalized communities and
were strikingly underprivileged, many of
them coming from single-parent homes.
Joanna also mentioned that while she clearly
did not fit in at her old school because she
physically looked different than many of her
classmates, she did not truly fit in at her
new school either. She was treated
differently by the other Black children
because she was “white washed.” She noted
that ironically, in a primarily Black
school, her best friend was the one of the
few white girls. Joanna felt that she was
unlike many of her new classmates because
she had grown up in a different environment
with predominantly white, privileged
friends.
As Joanna grew older, she recognized that in
daily interactions, people tended to notice
her skin colour before they noticed anything
else about her. To them, her skin colour was
more important than who she was. She learned
about sexual violence against women at age
16 when she was sexually abused by a family
friend’s son. Her race became increasingly
central in romantic relationships as she got
older: white men wanted to date her more for
the experience of dating a Black woman than
because of who she really was.
Young Black women in the Jane and Finch
community face some pervasive stereotypes,
characterized by assumptions about
promiscuity and teenage pregnancy. However,
Joanna has defied these stereotypes,
becoming the first member of her family to
finish university. She hopes to attend law
school in the future. Furthermore, her
experiences have instilled a burning desire
in her to help other youth in similar
situations. A few summers ago, she became a
foster mother for a group of teenage girls
who came from homes where they had been
neglected and sexually abused. She realized
she wanted to be a role model for these
girls, who were looking for guidance. Most
importantly, after these difficult
experiences, she is now proud to say she’s a
Black woman who has “broken the stereotype
of what is expected of her.”
Newcomer
Young Women
with Language Barriers
Roja is finally at home between her two
cultures and proud of both of them. Although
she had heard great things about Canada
before moving here during her high-school
years, she was shocked to learn after her
arrival that her inability to speak English
fluently made her the brunt of numerous
jokes. Even during her English as a Second
Language (ESL) class, she was repeatedly
ridiculed by a group of new immigrant youth
who harassed her and laughed at her accent,
despite the fact that they couldn’t speak
English perfectly either. She freely admits
that the first year after her family
immigrated to Canada was one of the most
difficult periods of her life. She “felt
like [she] was garbage because [she] could
not speak the language.” Although the
experience was extremely emotional and
traumatic, she now discusses how language is
the most significant barrier many new
immigrants face because they “cannot
communicate, ask for help, or seek
services.”
Another issue that is very important for
immigrant young women is the need to “fit
in” with other, “more Canadian” young women.
This desire is similar to that experienced
by ethno-racially marginalized young women,
young women with disabilities, and Deaf
young women. Roja explained that many
immigrant young women lead “double lives”:
in the mainstream community, they have
experiences like other young women, but at
home, they are dutiful young women who do
not talk about their dating experiences for
fear of being ostracized. This is because
many immigrant families want their daughters
to have arranged marriages and expect them
to remain chaste; however, in an effort to
fit in with their white counterparts, many
young immigrant women date regularly.
Roja’s difficult experiences have made her
stronger. She now would like to become a
social worker for immigrant youth because
“she knows what it is like to be an
immigrant.” She has first-hand experience
with language barriers and is extremely
familiar with the double life many immigrant
young women have to lead to fit in. She
would like to help others in similar
situations because she has learned from her
experiences and recognizes the need for
language and culturally sensitive community
services.
[Although Roja did not speak specifically
about violence against immigrant women in
relationships, experience tells us that,
much as young women from racial minorities
are at risk for relationship violence of the
type that Joanna described, so are young
immigrant women. But while racialized and
newcomer young women may be similarly at
risk, their experiences are different in key
ways related to many of the barriers Roja
describes, and therefore must be responded
to in appropriate ways. ~ Ed.]
Deaf Young Women
Stephanie is tall, strong, extremely
confident, and so physically attractive that
she would appear at home on any runway from
Toronto to New York, Paris to Milan. She is
also Black and Deaf. She points out that
while her disability is not noticeable at
first sight, she cannot hide her skin colour.
At the same time, her disability quickly
becomes the focus in her interactions with
others. With the intersection of her race
and disability, she describes herself as
“doubly oppressed.” Add her gender, and one
could argue that she is triply so.
Born with no other Deaf family members, she
learned American Sign Language while in
preschool. She also learned how to read lips
but many of the letters were difficult to
decipher. Growing up, she “always felt as
though she did not have any power.” She had
self-esteem issues and repeatedly asked her
mother why she was born Deaf. When she was
raped and abused as a young child, she was
unable to confide in her parents, and has
not done so to this day. It frustrates her
that, although “her family loves her, she is
unable to communicate with them.”
When, in high school, she was given a choice
between attending a special school for Deaf
children and a mainstream high school, she
chose the latter because she saw it as an
opportunity to reclaim some of her power.
However, many times, she refused to wear her
hearing aid because other teens “looked at
her like [she] was retarded and not just
Deaf.” She tried out for the track team
because she enjoyed running and it helped
ease her stress and anger at the world.
As a teenager, she became interested in men;
however, she quickly found that men who were
not Deaf considered her to be “easy” by
virtue of her disability. Deaf men, on the
other hand, called her “biased” because she
stood up for herself. Stephanie recounted
one incident in which she was visiting her
Deaf friend, Carol. While sitting on the
couch, Carol’s male friend started becoming
very friendly toward her. He showed her
pictures on his camera phone of Carol giving
him a blow job, which he had snapped without
Carol’s knowledge because she could not hear
him doing so. Outraged, Stephanie slapped
him and reported him to the police. These
experiences have made her recognize that
while “she does not hate men, [she] feels
they are all the same and they have no
respect for women.” She has now taken to
wearing a fake wedding ring to keep men
away.
Stephanie is currently in the Assaulted
Women and Children’s Program at George Brown
College. Her experiences have made her
recognize that it is the government’s
responsibility to make services and programs
equally accessible for disabled and Deaf
young women “instead of treating them as
though they were invisible.”
Young Women with Disabilities
Carmen, who has a mobility impairment, is
strong, vibrant, and extremely well-spoken.
She identified the key issues for young
women living with disabilities in
relationships as mobility, communication,
and access to services.
Although young women with disabilities are
not often considered prime “date material”
in the mainstream community, they are just
as likely as other young women to want “to
have meaningful relationships, get married,
and have kids.” However, this is “not
accepted by the general population.” As
such, if a person with a disability is
dating a person without a disability, this
is seen as “better.” Some in the community
believe that the person with a disability
almost becomes an abled person by having a
partner who does not have a disability or is
not Deaf. However, most people are hesitant
to date young women with disabilities,
because they assume that they would have to
take care of them like a nurse as opposed to
being their partner. On the other hand,
people in one segment of the population
exoticize women with disabilities in much
the same way that Joanna has experienced in
relation to being Black.
Key safety issues must be recognized
regarding young women with disabilities in
relationships. As Carmen said, “For people
with a mobility disability, the biggest
challenge is that it is harder for them to
physically fight back than [it is for]
people without the disability. So we cannot
slap someone who is harassing us because
that is not safe for us to do given our
limited physical movement.” Furthermore,
individuals with disabilities, including
people who are non-verbal, lack means of
communication and support if abuse occurs;
they often have no way of even telling
anyone they have been hurt. This makes young
women with disabilities “easy targets.”
Carmen notes with some irony that, although
disabled young people are not seen as
relationship material, rates of abuse are
shockingly high. (Most of the abuse occurs
at the hands of caretakers.)
These safety issues have led to the rising
popularity of internet dating, in which
people with disabilities can enjoy romantic
encounters without leaving the comfort and
safety of their own homes. Internet
encounters also allow young women with
disabilities the freedom to be themselves
because their disability is not visible or
the centre of attention. However, safety
issues arise when young women with
disabilities decide to meet their internet
dates in person. Because they cannot easily
run away, they have to be extremely sure
they are safe and surrounded by other
people. They may also have to explain the
disability to someone who did not expect it
and does not know how to respond to it.
Finally, there is an issue with extremely
limited access to appropriate and effective
services for young women with disabilities.
For example, some oral contraceptives are
contraindicated with medication taken for
disability. It is extremely difficult to
find a doctor who is educated about these
harmful interactions. Consequently, many
women with disabilities suffer adverse
effects of drug interactions that they
should not have had to endure.
Conclusion
One of the most important questions arising
from this discussion regards strategies and
plans for the future. Violence against all
women is a real and serious issue, but
because of many factors and barriers, it can
be more difficult for young women from
marginalized communities to deal with these
issues than it is for more mainstream women.
How can community activists, organizations,
allies, and other young women from
marginalized communities work together to
address issues regarding relationships and
violence against women? Where do we go from
here?
Most of the young women who shared their
personal experiences at this dialogue said
they felt stronger after sharing their
stories and hearing others’. They felt that
holding their stories inside had, itself,
been a barrier. Moreover, their stories
serve an educational and community-awareness
function, which is much more effective than
textbooks and glossy pamphlets that vaguely
promote multiculturalism. If we hope to
create an equitable society in which young
women do not feel marginalized or
discriminated against, we need to learn from
their experiences. Only by taking their
stories into account when developing
anti-racist and anti-oppressive policies and
programs will we be empowered to move toward
a society that is truly representative and
respectful of diversity.
The eloquent young woman I
quoted at the beginning of this piece ended
her story with a message to the other young
women in the room. “Your stories make me
strong and give me the strength to be who I
am.” I can say, without a doubt, that their
courageous stories have made me stronger,
and fortified my pride in being a young
woman.
u
Azmina Ladha will soon
enter her final year of law school at
Osgoode Hall in Toronto, after which she
hopes to revolutionize the face of
Immigration and Refugee Law in Canada. Her
passions include reading copious amounts of
case law (not!), playing indoor cricket with
a foam bat and ball, learning yoga, using
her new digital camera, and drinking chai.
